Book Review | It Didn't Start With You by Mark Wolynn

A photo of the book. I notated it in an attempt to extract all "usefulness." It was not effective.

Final Rating: 2/5 Stars

It is worthwhile to say that I have not read many self-help books. It is not a genre that I frequent, and as a result, I dare not say that I am familiar with the conventions within it.

However, when presenting research, it should always be presented accurately. Outcomes of studies should not be stretched and conclusions cannot be jumped to simply because we hope it is true. Perhaps I am too "moral" about it, but I strongly feel that such a standard should be the baseline for any genre, but in particular the self-help genre.

Wolynn starts strong as he presents his research, explaining studies and detailing the conclusions of the researchers. But things get shaky as he attempts to take those conclusions and apply them.

This is not to say that Wolynn has written nothing of use. There were exercises within the book that I found to be effective and/or helpful. I actively have made the decision to revisit the helpful passages and "leave the rest."

But "the rest" is worth discussing; I found myself raising my eyebrow when I noticed a recurring suggestion that traumatic events are subconsciously sought out by those who experience them. Could this be true in some cases? Yes, of course. Is it true in every or even most cases? No. It is insulting to suggest so.

I am not saying that Wolynn purposefully made this implication in his writing; I doubt that to be true. I am saying, however, that more care should have been taken so that was never suggested.

For example, if one is a victim of abuse, then one should be able to say so. They should not have to avoid the word. Wolynn advocates for avoiding the use of "emotionally charged" and "highly negative" words and phrases, such as "abuse." But the word "abuse" is not sensationalist, it is an accurate description of reality for some. Wolynn completely ignores that some trauma, such as recurrent and severe abuse, occurs. It is not mentioned in any meaningful detail throughout the entire text.

Many exercises feel like reframing to the point of gaslighting oneself. At one point, Wolynn even suggests to "fake" positive feelings to force them into your life. This is not healing. This is repression.

Overall: I would give two out of five stars. I would give one star because it's clear Wolynn believes in his work and is passionate about spreading what he finds healing. It's the "you tried" star. The second star I would give as a token of thanks for the two exercises I found to be mildly helpful.